NINE SAD YEARS

It's nine years ago today that my brother left us. I'm always torn between this day and March 24th (the day he was found in his home in North Hollywood). But, in either case, he had a full life even though it only lasted 54 years. This is the time of night when I miss him most, since this is usually when we'd be in the midst of one of our 4 hour phone calls. At these times, I put on The Last Carnival and think about that wonderfully wild life he lived. Whether you knew him or not, it gives you a pretty good sense of the man, and why he's so greatly missed:


Sundown, sundown
They're taking all the tents down
Where have you gone my handsome Billy?

Sundown, sundown
The carnival trains' leavin' town
Where are you now my darlin' Billy?

We won't be dancing together on the high wire
Facing the lions with you at my side anymore
We won't be breathin' the smoke and the fire
On the midway

Hangin' from the trapeze my wrists waitin' for your wrists
Two daredevils high up on the wall of death
You throwin' the knife that lands inches from my heart
Sundown

Moonrise, moonrise
The light that was in your eyes
Has gone away

Daybreak, daybreak
The thing in you that made me ache
Has gone to stay
We'll be riding the train without you tonight
The train that keeps on movin'
Its black smoke scorching the evening sky
A million stars shining above us like every soul livin' and dead
Has been gathered together by a God to sing a hymn over your bones

Sundown, sundown
Empty are the fairgrounds
Where are you now my handsome Billy?

ABSENT WITH EXCUSE

I'm sure some of you wondered if there would be any further posts. I guess this answers that question. There's more of Bill to share. I know I've missed some important dates, but I have been absent with excuse. Last April I started my worst year. I started experiencing a little pain in my left foot. A few days later, it got so painful I could barely walk. I attributed it to having slid down a few stairs at home onto a hard tile floor. I thought I had a deep bruise. As few days later, an infected area appeared on the bottom of the foot. I thought nothing of it. My wife put some antibiotic ointment on it. Two days later, the infection was really bad. Off to the doctor, where I was diagnosed with cellulitis. They gave me oral antibiotics and for a few days it began to look better. Then, almost overnight it took a turn for the worse. I returned to the doctor and was told to go to the hospital. At the hospital they discovered that MRSA had gotten into the infection. They started me on IV antibiotics and the next day they informed me that too much flesh and tissue had been destroyed by the MRSA - I would need to have a partial amputation of my left foot. On April 20, 2014 (Easter Sunday), they took the 3 small toes and a bit of the left side of my foot. The healing process has been interesting, but it looks like I might finally be reaching the end of my disability. So, I decided it's time to move on with other things. And so, here I am, posting again. I hope you'll join me on this path that is a long way from its end. - Phil Bukowski